Warning: This post will make you think i'm a bitch who's so full of myself. I don't care if you can accept it or not to continue being my friend. But this is my blog, i write whatever i want. Thank you for taking your time to read. Thank you for reading at least a bit before closing the page. I know you're busy people who only reply me when you have a problem.
Okay, here is what I feel about some of my friends whom i still keep in contact with, for a really long time.
It could be you, reading this, or not. Or it could be some friends who doesn't even know about this blog.
I feel that some of you, are just being very selfish. I'm sorry, i'm not good in giving advice, to calm you down, to cheer you up, when you are down. And i know, some of you don't even think i'm smart enough to give advice, or smart enough to influence you to do something. But here's the thing, when you talk to me, about your problems, I feel for you, I really do, as much as i want to cheer you up, I always tried my best, but as my friend, you should know my limit of making you smile, I don't have that talent, but i tried, and i want you to be happy.
A lot of your problems, i have encountered before, and I always tell you what I would do or already did to face those problems. Which worked for me, at least i know it worked because i'm still alive and sane. But you don't know this. Because you're just being too full of yourself. Talking and talking and talking, and not even listening to my part, worse, some of you won't even let me finish what i wanted to say.
When i'm feeling down, I seek for you to talk to, and when you talk and advice, i listen. Is it so hard for you to listen to me for once? At least let me finish what i wanna say. Why? Is it because my advice are not good enough? Is it because it's just the same as what everybody else are saying? Is it different from what others are saying? Or is it just me? What's wrong with me?
You think you really know me that well? Do you even know how i've been?
1. I love math and science, and i did learn french.
2. My educational level is slightly above average or average sometimes, i like teaching and i used to teach.
3. I'm a Malaysian, not a Malay or Muslim.
4. I used to be extremely active and good in alotta sports, especially basketball, not boasting bout this, i know a lot of people are active before they started working life and i know some of you still are. If you don't believe me, I have many references. Just cause I don't walk around in sneakers, sports pants and marathon singlets, i still work out, after work and even before work, depending on my shift. Just because I don't show it doesn't mean i don't do it.
5. I don't go to the gym because I don't believe that gyms are the only way to exercise.
6. I'm totally an outdoor person, i hiked and climbed trees.
7. I love to eat and drink and don't like clubbing. Call me anti social or whatever you want, I won't go to clubs just to blend in.
8. I like acting, making expressions, doing silly actions and I will randomly dance silly-ly, but you don't know because to you, i'm just a boring girl who doesn't even speak much, you don't even bother looking at me or acknowledge my existence.
9. I like dancing, but it's hard for me to portray it because most of the time i'm in heels and surrounded by a professional and serious environment, it's not a problem to some people but I guess, as a girl, with this environment and this kinda dance that I do, it's hard for me.
10. You think you're cool because you punch walls when you're mad? Guess what, i did that too, even on sharp edges purposely to make them bleed. Check my fist.
11. Just like a regular person. I have side hobbies too.
12. I'm very conservative when it comes to spending, I have my own reasons of being so, mainly why I'd just stay home when i'm here in Sg. Come to M'sia and let's hang out, it's cheaper.
The list can go on.
Do you know about these? Would you even bother to keep these in mind? How many times do I have to answer all these questions for you to remember?
Just because I don't talk much doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. Truthfully there is nobody, nobody besides my family members who really bother listening to me or give a shit to listen to my problems. It always end up bout you telling me your problems and in the end i'm the one cracking my head to cheer you up. That's why most of the time, I'm quiet. Again, referring to the top part of the post, i hesitate to speak up because i know you won't bother letting me finish or even listen to me.
I talk to myself so much now sometimes i really feel like i have aphasia or alexithymia or some other speaking disorders. Every time i'll hesitate to tell my stories because it's probably not as interesting or funny as your's, then my stories will be cut in the middle and followed by your's. I may sound like a total low self esteem, no confidence, emo girl but you know, i used to be the one making people laugh. To those who i've made laugh before, I wish we never part. I like acting silly and making people laugh, that's my kind of humour. But with some of you, I can't do that, because all i get is d 'wtf' look. Sorry that i'm still so childish with my stupid jokes that it's not cool enough for you.
Now i can't remember what else I wanna say. That's it for now.
Btw, if you feel offended or wanna ask if it's you. Don't bother. I don't want you to be sorry or feel sorry for me. I don't want you to be wary when you're around me. People have their own thoughts and feelings. Please just respect mine.
