Just feel like it.

Warning: This post will make you think i'm a bitch who's so full of myself. I don't care if you can accept it or not to continue being my friend. But this is my blog, i write whatever i want. Thank you for taking your time to read. Thank you for reading at least a bit before closing the page. I know you're busy people who only reply me when you have a problem.

Okay, here is what I feel about some of my friends whom i still keep in contact with, for a really long time.
It could be you, reading this, or not. Or it could be some friends who doesn't even know about this blog.

I feel that some of you, are just being very selfish. I'm sorry, i'm not good in giving advice, to calm you down, to cheer you up, when you are down. And i know, some of you don't even think i'm smart enough to give advice, or smart enough to influence you to do something. But here's the thing, when you talk to me, about your problems, I feel for you, I really do, as much as i want to cheer you up, I always tried my best, but as my friend, you should know my limit of making you smile, I don't have that talent, but i tried, and i want you to be happy.

A lot of your problems, i have encountered before, and I always tell you what I would do or already did to face those problems. Which worked for me, at least i know it worked because i'm still alive and sane. But you don't know this. Because you're just being too full of yourself. Talking and talking and talking, and not even listening to my part, worse, some of you won't even let me finish what i wanted to say.

When i'm feeling down, I seek for you to talk to, and when you talk and advice, i listen. Is it so hard for you to listen to me for once? At least let me finish what i wanna say. Why? Is it because my advice are not good enough? Is it because it's just the same as what everybody else are saying? Is it different from what others are saying? Or is it just me? What's wrong with me?

You think you really know me that well? Do you even know how i've been?

1. I love math and science, and i did learn french.
2. My educational level is slightly above average or average sometimes, i like teaching and i used to teach.
3. I'm a Malaysian, not a Malay or Muslim.
4. I used to be extremely active and good in alotta sports, especially basketball, not boasting bout this, i know a lot of people are active before they started working life and i know some of you still are. If you don't believe me, I have many references. Just cause I don't walk around in sneakers, sports pants and marathon singlets, i still work out, after work and even before work, depending on my shift. Just because I don't show it doesn't mean i don't do it.
5. I don't go to the gym because I don't believe that gyms are the only way to exercise.
6. I'm totally an outdoor person, i hiked and climbed trees.
7. I love to eat and drink and don't like clubbing. Call me anti social or whatever you want, I won't go to clubs just to blend in.
8. I like acting, making expressions, doing silly actions and I will randomly dance silly-ly, but you don't know because to you, i'm just a boring girl who doesn't even speak much, you don't even bother looking at me or acknowledge my existence.
9. I like dancing, but it's hard for me to portray it because most of the time i'm in heels and surrounded by a professional and serious environment, it's not a problem to some people but I guess, as a girl, with this environment and this kinda dance that I do, it's hard for me.
10. You think you're cool because you punch walls when you're mad? Guess what, i did that too, even on sharp edges purposely to make them bleed. Check my fist.
11. Just like a regular person. I have side hobbies too.
12. I'm very conservative when it comes to spending, I have my own reasons of being so, mainly why I'd just stay home when i'm here in Sg. Come to M'sia and let's hang out, it's cheaper.
The list can go on.
Do you know about these? Would you even bother to keep these in mind? How many times do I have to answer all these questions for you to remember?

Just because I don't talk much doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. Truthfully there is nobody, nobody besides my family members who really bother listening to me or give a shit to listen to my problems. It always end up bout you telling me your problems and in the end i'm the one cracking my head to cheer you up. That's why most of the time, I'm quiet. Again, referring to the top part of the post, i hesitate to speak up because i know you won't bother letting me finish or even listen to me.

I talk to myself so much now sometimes i really feel like i have aphasia or alexithymia or some other speaking disorders. Every time i'll hesitate to tell my stories because it's probably not as interesting or funny as your's, then my stories will be cut in the middle and followed by your's. I may sound like a total low self esteem, no confidence, emo girl but you know, i used to be the one making people laugh. To those who i've made laugh before, I wish we never part. I like acting silly and making people laugh, that's my kind of humour. But with some of you, I can't do that, because all i get is d 'wtf' look. Sorry that i'm still so childish with my stupid jokes that it's not cool enough for you.

Now i can't remember what else I wanna say. That's it for now.

Btw, if you feel offended or wanna ask if it's you. Don't bother. I don't want you to be sorry or feel sorry for me. I don't want you to be wary when you're around me. People have their own thoughts and feelings. Please just respect mine.

Seng Mok la

You know that feeling when you're sitting at a table, and the people around you are just eye contacting each other but you? Or when you want things to be like how it was before but they're not? When you thought there is a connection going on with this other person and then he/she just stopped contacting you? Even when you think that you're someone in a certain group but they hardly tells you anything?

Guess what..wake up abit la....
Your life is not a movie, it is reality.
When you're nobody, YOU ARE NOBODY. Stop 'trying too hard'.

Not gonna mention bout the whole 'new year jinx' thing cuz it's too mainstream

I bloody hell knew something like this was gonna happen.
Why do people do this? Ok, no, not people. Just specifically 'that group'.

The effort I had to put, and they just blow it off with a simple 'I don't feel like it'.
I want you to know, this is not the first time, but it is the last time i'm gonna arrange/organize shit like this that involves 'that group'.

The bunch of people that makes you feel important for awhile, to think that they actually care!
Just heartbreaking.

Horses~Trial and Error

Few days ago,i had a dream of drawing the most perfect horse, with just one line in 15seconds.
All this while, one of the things i fear to draw is a horse. They're so beautiful and magnificent in every way that I don't even bother drawing them because I would just spoil their gorgeous image.
And then I thought.....why not?
So after watching a tutorial video on youtube of how to draw a horse head. I tried, free hand, without any picture to guide me. Just tried to remember whatever i could from the video and drew it on a paper.
Sigh...here are my attempts:

DON'T LAUGH

 Hehe...I was just fooling around with this.. ><

And then I started to draw from books

This is when i gave up.

The next day I tried again,

this time from an image on the internet.

This is..

Close Enough!

The visit

For the past 2 days,

my friend came all the way to a foreign country

just to hang out with me.

That's how awesome she is.

What have we done?
Basically i just brought her around Singapore

like..""Singapore""
because there are only "so many" places i know of.

Here are some places we visited and food we ate:

On the first night, we went to..

Just some view from my seat

This is my dish

The laser sightings from Marina Bay Sands

This is the ladies

Somehow it's fascinating to me, very old skool

Next we went to drink at a nearby pub

We got 2 shots of B-52 on the house from the one man show waiter

He waits, tend the bar and also cashiering, thus..one man show

He likes us =p

Next day's lunch, vegetarian

At a restaurant called Real Food

It has a concept of a classroom

Quiet and comfy place to chill

Here are some stuff we ordered

Yet again, another fascinating toilet

Even have a weighing scale -.-

Next we went to Orchard Road to run some errands

And then Marina Bay Sands and Garden By The Bay

We actually had a reservation at Indochine

on the top floor where, as told by a friend, has a mesmerizing view of Singapore

But it was raining pretty heavily, so we could not dine at the rooftop =(

But it was a great experience dining there, just below the rooftop

since i have not been there before

And of course, more food and alcohol

The rain slowed down so we went to the balcony to catch a glimpse of that view

Our day ended with a delicious dessert at Au Chocolat in Marina Bay

The desserts and food were really good

I would go back

Only thing stopping me is the awkwardly friendly staff there

Though i did get extra bread from the one of them

But sometimes there are just limits to everything like a simple conversation between a worker and a guest

You just gotta know how to..talk.

Anyways, I just got back from sending off my friend to the bus station

It was fun but I really need to improve on my tour guiding

Hope she enjoyed it just as much

Can't wait to go back!!

Mommy and family, see u all soon!