Yet, another moment of depression in my life.
It all started when I was just scrolling around my friend's pages on Facebook.
All i see..'XXX is in a relationship with YYY', 'XXX invited you to his/her event/page', *photos of XXX with thousands of friends surrounding him/her*, or some of them are travelling, enjoying their life...and i'm just sitting here like, 'What the hell happened to me!'
I had friends, I had a hobby, I had a place to hang out with a bunch of friends, I had time to watch my health and diet. Now, when it's my rest day, all i can think about is movie alone, or delivery, or sleep. When i have problems, there is nobody in my mind to talk to,except my mom. Don't get me wrong, i love my mom, but i just wish there are more people out there whom will lend me a shoulder to cry on. There's actually no one. NO ONE.
I'm 23, and hell no, I don't have a freaking goal. There is no direction at all in my life. What am I going to do?
Since young, i wanted to dance, to act, to teach. It's too late now, but i just gotta say, i've taken the wrong road. Is it too late to start a new life now? If i really did, estimated duration to build it will be 5 years? By the time i can really enjoy my life is like what, 30? Is that too late? I've got so many questions. Some people say it's not necessary to take counseling, I guess their perception towards people seeking counseling are mentally ill or something. So if i took counseling i'm considered problematic, or sick, etc.
I thought a lot about the choices I have, an alternative from counseling is I can negotiate with my working hours and start taking my own lead. Take lessons to improve in what I like, like French lessond, dance classes etc. But my sources are so limited! Money is another problem. Actually, money is my main problem. Even if I chose counseling, I gotta spend! GEEZ.
There is one thing i'm quite certain though. My new year resolution is to go overseas to look for a job, or work and travel. But then again, am i ready for this? What if the only job i managed to get is the same as what i'm doing, or worse. Still it doesn't lead me to doing things that I like. At this point, it's concluded that i've taken the wrong journey and that i just need more money. Now it's clearer what the problem is. I can start a new life anytime, quit my job ,take classes or whatever, but i need money. To get money, i gotta work. So bottom line, I just gotta live this meaningless life until oh i don't know, til i die?
And what about my friends? I'm sure as soon as i start my new life, i'll get new friends and finally a true circle of friends i feel comfortable with. But in order to do that...refer to previous paragraph. THIS IS LIKE A CYCLE! A LIFE EATING CYCLE.
I need help.
