Friday, April 27, 2012

The reasons..

I miss my old home
The one that my family and I have lived in for more than 10years
It's where i grew up
The lies, the truth,the dramas, the games..
It all happened there

Why must it be taken away?

Before and After Renovation:
Those times when we had a double decker bed,
but would still all squeeze in the lower deck, cramped up to the wall,
because the monsters might attack us.
The time when we had that extra room,
where we would leave our bags after school, and pack our bags there.
When upstairs is the media place for us,and the curtains to prevent the air cond' cold air from escaping
That's the balcony's railing that i always climbed on,
and always tempted to jump and reach out to the chandelier hanging in the middle of the living room
I miss how it was situated just beside a hill, where it is also a place to play
We would go out 'hiking' the hill and play selling and 'masak-masak' with stones and leafs.
It was also a place where we buried all our beloved animals =(
That feeling when you just want to think, and you would at a corner of your house to do so
My place was the kitchen because it is hidden by a wall,
I would sit at the inner side to eat, think and even study
How I miss studying there
I miss having a small table in my room where i did all my homeworks and studies
That atmosphere really made me a smart student.
I miss how the front porch and garden is always big enough for us to play basketball, badminton(with the wall), ride bicycles, ride scooters, throw frisbee, and even running.
I miss just going upstairs to stare out to the top-of-the-hill view,
It was amazing when the sun sets.
Once, there was even someone riding a horse up there.
I wish to see that to happen again, even until now.
I miss how there is always enough space in the living room for us o play board games together
I locking myself up in either my room or my parent's room to dance to music videos and concerts
I miss having an alley full of cats
When you could just throw out any leftovers for them.
I miss having the cats to sneak in and we would pretend that we didn't want them in front of our parents, 
but would lure them in to play when no one's around.
ALMOST FORGOT bout the sand box my dad created just at one corner of the garden.
I forgot how and why, but he just brought back sand one day and pile it there for us to play
I MISS THAT MANGO TREE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
It's the only thing that I could climb and feel like a monkey
I miss having to climb and reach to pluck a mango that is so high up and out 
that is where the challenge kick in.
I miss having neighbours to hang out with, left, right, front, back..every direction we knew each other.

The place where i'm at now:
I cant sleep in my room cause it is just too damn hot
The living room is like my place now, and 'tis a mess!
There are always centipedes crawling out from the toilet.
Nothing permanent can be done to this house because it is under rent.
There is no grass nor garden!
There is no view of anything
I don't even know where the sun rises and sets
The neighbours here..where do i even begin?

Sadly, there are not really many pictures from my old home,
reason being we don't have a camera that time.
Regretted though, not having many pictures kept as memories.

I know moving here is for the better
But when you spent more than 10years in a place where you grew up, it is still hard to accept it.
And soon, we'll be leaving this house again.
I just never in my life expected my life to be like in one of those movies where the characters are always moving around.
However, looking at the bright side,
if life always turns out to be what we expected, where's the fun right?
Guess we gotta just accept it and move on sometimes.

PS:
The new owner of our former house, removed that mango tree ='(

Another thing i wanna say is,
Yes, i did promise myself not to complain, does blogs count?
If not, I don't think i can survive not saying anything out.
About today. I just gotta say
'Lei gong sai la hor"
=)


Saturday, April 14, 2012

I gotta say..

Just signed a contract with Conrad Hotel, SINGAPORE few days ago, when Taylor's had this career fair.

There is though, a feeling of guilt for not keeping to my word of going overseas with a friend. I'm sorry but, there are just too many things on my mind, and it all happened so fast with the conversation I had with Conrad's HR manager. Suddenly, we were negotiating with terms ad discussing about the future plans. I really didn't plan to leave her and go on my own, but i dunno..it just happened. =(

So there it is, I'll be away from my family for a total of 6 months. It is sad thinking about it, adding to the fact that it is going to be my 1st time away, so far, where they can't just drive by and drop me things or pick me up during my day offs, for sucha a long time. I've been away before, but all of them were like what, not even exceeding 3 months each. This is going to be a hard goodbye. Real..hard.

Anyways, I've decided not ot think about saying goodbye just yet, since i still have less than 2months to share my time with them, i'm going to make the best out of it. On the bright side, yes, I am looking forward for this internship. First of all, i get to be more independant, (well not really since some of my other friends are goin along), but still! Secondly, it is my first time working, internationally, and earning money that is not in RM. Kinda excited. Oh, and the main reason why I'm so excited is, i talked to my mom about getting a motorbike after earning enough. She disapproved, but in a way, there is a small tiny bit, maybe 2%? Of approval. Sorry, but i've always wanted a bike since like forever, I'm going to get it anyway if so happens, I move out or something. Thus, that 2%..means a bunch to me and yes, I am going to get a bike, with that 'approval'. (After earning enough of course)

This concludes the feelings that are so called bothering me. It's like there is a devilish and angelic conscience on each side of my shoulder whispering (really loudly) day and night, the goods and bads of this decision (going to SG). Unfortunately, what is done is done right?

Hopefully, there is no hard feelings towards anybody with this =( If there is, Sorry sincerely, for i know not what have been unintentionally done.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

...

In the past few days..

My emotions went from

this..

To this,
To this.

Yet,

nobody cares.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Saturday, April 7, 2012

IHM

It hurts, to know the truth. But i asked for it.
I think this is what i'll be thinking of the next few days, until i get over it.
How i wish there's a button where you could just press to erase the memories that you want to erase.

Please let me leave this life as soon as possible. Not liking a single bit of it.