Contradicting life

I wonder if anyone actually reads my blog anyways.

I'm missing my old friends who accepted the me last time. We would hang out in each other's house. Talk about common interests we share.

No idea why i'm feeling so emo now. Listening to Eminem's album really brings back a lot of memories.

I do know one thing know. I miss being my old self.

I'm living a very contradictory life:
1) I love rap songs but i'm listening to love songs too
2) I love wearing baggy pants and jackets but i'm putting on make up wearing formal shirts and slacks
3) I love writing songs that reflects my life as a way to release my tension but i'm looking for people to talk to, to share my problems
4) I love performing, dramas, acts, dance but i'm hiding from people recording my own "performance"
5) I love making people laugh but i'm one of those who sits in a crowd and listens to people
6) I love fighting, i'm dreaming of guns and blades, all for a good cause like saving people and the world of course, but i'm learning to say "welcome, pls and thank u" and smiling for nothing.
7) I love putting posters of my idols on my wall, but i can't because of such reasons like "i'm growing up, need to be more mature"
8) I love it to not smile when i don't feel like it, but i don want to be known as the SAD/EMO/UNFRIENDLY
9) I love wearing sneakers and sandles but i have to get use to wearing high heels
10) I love music, sports and science but i'm learning to cook and bake

It is not true if i say i don't care about what people think, because if i really don't. I'm not the me i am now.

U feel me?
I know i'm not the only one. We always behave ourselves in public, some of us just want to blend in; some of us just decided to move on from being their old self.

'You can take the girl outta the jungle, but you can't take the jungle outta the girl'
That's me man, i love climbing trees. If you hate it, get the doot away.

What..track 19 already? That's fast! Encore =P